(This article is part of an Ethiopian Review weekly series that is intended to highlight and help stop the growing problem of domestic violence in the Ethiopian community.)
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Local domestic violence programs are a valuable resource. They provide confidential helpincluding 24-hour hotlines, counseling, and emergency shelter. While shelter may be what most people think a domestic violence program is, they also provide a lot of other useful services, and you don’t have to stay in a shelter to get help from a domestic violence program. Another important thing to know is that you can use a domestic violence program whether you plan to stay in the relationship with your partner or not.The person at a domestic violence program who will help you is an “advocate.” Advocates understand the criminal justice, Family Court, and social services systems, and they are familiar with other community resources that might be useful to you.In addition to giving you good information, advocates can often go with you to court, to the police station, or to social services, and provide you with practical and emotional support. Getting help from someone who has experience working with victims of domestic violence and who knows how to work with the different systems can make things a lot easier for you.
Available Services
There are domestic violence services available in every state in the United States. Specific services may vary from one community to another, but most programs offer the following services.
Shelters
Shelters offer a short-term safe place to stay for you and your children, if you have children. Domestic violence shelters are only for women who are abused and their children – they are different from homeless shelters. Every effort is made to keep the location of the shelter secret to protect the families who stay there. Some programs may even provide safety for your pets. Domestic violence shelters do have rules that people who stay there have to follow, in order to make sure that everyone stays safe. Usually you can stay there only for a short time. Shelter staff will start working with you right away to find longer-term housing.
24-Hour Hotline
Advocates are available 24 hours a day to provide emergency help and emotional support, information, admission into shelter, and referrals.
Counseling
One-on-one counseling provides information and emotional support. Counseling can also help you think about the choices and options that work best for you.
Support Groups
Support groups are like counseling, but are done with a group of people together. They are a good place to learn about domestic violence, listen to other women who have been abused, and share your story, if you choose. Many women find that support groups help them feel less alone.
Services for Children
Many programs offer a chance for children to talk about what is happening in their lives, participate in activities, go on outings, and get help with schoolwork.Many domestic violence programs offer some or all of the following additional services for women who have been abused, whether they are in a shelter or not. These include:
* help getting medical care
* help getting legal services for Family Court or for immigration issues
* help with housing, furniture, and clothing
* training and educational services
* help finding employment
* assistance getting social services, like health insurance, food stamps, and temporary cash assistance
*emergency transportation; and
*interpretation services.
What Other Services Are Available?
You may need help and services that the domestic violence program doesn’t provide. Communities across the State of New York, for example, offer a lot of other services that can help meet some of your other needs. Domestic violence programs can give you information and referrals for these services. Referrals are often available to:
* educational opportunities including General Education Development (GED) or college degree programs, English as a second language classes, certificate programs, and scholarship, grant, and stipend programs;
* employment programs like One-Stop Centers that assist with job training and placement, professional development, resumé-writing, interviewing skills, and job searches;
* culturally-specific services and groups, including information about immigrants’ rights and help for non-English speakers;
* health-related services including primary care, family planning, pre-natal care, breast exams, pediatric care, reconstructive cosmetic surgery, and testing for sexually transmitted diseases, including AIDS and HIV;
* low-income and/or affordable housing programs and relocation assistance;
* alcohol/other substance recovery programs, mental health services, children’s counseling services, parenting programs, and support groups;
* child protective and preventive services;
* unemployment insurance;
* food stamps, food pantries; and
* child health insurance.
Counseling
If counseling is a service you want, call your workplace employee assistance program (EAP) or domestic violence program for suggestions. They may provide the service you are looking for. If not, they probably know of counselors who have been helpful to others. If you are worried about the cost, ask for referrals to counselors who use a sliding fee scale. Of course, there is no guarantee that you will feel comfortable or satisfied with a particular counselor. You may need to try more than one before you find one you want to work with. In deciding on the right counselor for you, look for a counselor who:
* Makes your safety, not your relationship, the priority.
* Is willing to help you develop a safety plan that meets yourneeds, and supports your right to make your own decisions.
* Believes what you say, takes you seriously, takes the abuse seriously, and doesn’t judge you or make you feel ashamed about past physical or sexual abuse.
* Doesn’t hold you responsible for your partner’s violence, and doesn’t encourage you to change as a way to get your partner to change.
* Doesn’t ask you to bring your partner into the counseling session.
* Is willing to involve a domestic violence advocate, if you wish.
* Understands that domestic violence is really about control, not about anger, stress, or alcohol/other substance use.
* Looks at the effects of all of your partner’s controlling behavior on you – physical, sexual, economic, emotional, and psychological abuse.
* Is sensitive to your cultural or religious beliefs.
* Doesn’t assume that you are abusive if you “hit your partner, too,” but understands that many abused women use violence as a way to fight back or defend themselves.
(Source: New York State, Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence)