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Author: Elias Kifle

Domestic violence: Mediation and parent education

Posted on by Elias Kifle

(This article is part of an Ethiopian Review weekly series that is intended to highlight and help stop the growing problem of domestic violence in the Ethiopian community.)
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Sometimes courts require abused women to participate in services with their partners. Such services may include mediation or parent education.

Mediation is used to help people work out their differences and come to agreement. Many judges order {www:mediation} in divorce and custody cases. However, mediation can be dangerous for the same reason couple counseling can be dangerous. It can be dangerous for abused women to express their feelings in front of their partners. This option only works if both parties have equal power in the relationship.

Some abused women choose mediation, thinking that it will lead to better results for them and their children. If you use mediation, it is important to discuss with your attorney or advocate your goals and expectations ahead of time. Be clear about what you are willing to negotiate about and what you’re not. Again, consult your local domestic violence program about the mediation program and the individual mediator.

Women who are abused do not have to attend parent education. If the court orders you to attend, tell the clerk who handles the paperwork that you have been abused and ask for a waiver. You can also tell the person you speak to at the parent education program about the abuse and request a waiver. Requesting or getting a waiver should not affect the outcome of your case. If you do decide to participate, you should definitely attend a separate class from your partner.

Stalking

A serious potential safety risk to abused women is stalking. Stalking is one person’s unwanted {www:pursuit} of another person. While some stalking happens between strangers or {www:acquaintance}s, stalking also happens in intimate relationships. Stalking can happen after the relationship has ended or while you are still with your partner. Many women who are stalked by their partner are also physically or sexually assaulted by them.

Stalking is a crime in New York State. There are four counts of stalking under the law depending on the stalker’s behavior. Common stalking behavior includes:

* following you or showing up wherever you are;
* driving by or hanging out near your home, school, or workplace;
* repeatedly calling you, including hang-ups;
* sending you unwanted letters, cards, e-mails, or gifts;
* monitoring your phone calls or computer use;
* damaging your home, car, or other property; and
* taking other actions that control, track, or frighten you.

While some stalkers’ behavior may not seem dangerous or threatening to an outsider, stalking is serious and should be treated that way. If you are being stalked, it is important to keep a record of what is happening. This can become useful evidence if you decide to get help from the police or court. Every time something happens, you should record:

* the date;
* the time;
* a description of the incident;
* the location of the incident; and
* any witnesses, including their names, addresses, and phone numbers.

Technology Safety

The use of modern technology has increased abusers’ abilities to monitor and track their partners’ activities. If you are not sure if someone is monitoring you, trust your instincts, especially if your abuser seems to know too much about your activities or things you have only told to a few people. Abusers can be very determined and creative. A person does not have to be “tech savvy” to buy or use monitoring or surveillance technology. It is cheap and easy to use.

Phones

These days, most people have a cell phone. It can be a link to safety. On the other hand, an abuser can use it as a tool to listen to your calls and track your whereabouts. Most phones come with services or options to do this, such as: Caller ID, call logs, Call Return Service (*69), last number dialed, Global Positioning System (GPS), “silent mode,” or “auto answer.” Landlines (regular telephones) may also carry some of these risks. Traditional “corded” phones are usually safer than other kinds of phones. Think of these things as you plan for your safety. Consider options such as leaving your cell phone behind if you leave or getting another phone on a new account.

Computers

If the abuser has access to your computer, he can see what websites you have gone to and read your e-mail. Abusers can also monitor computer activities without being there by using keystroke logging technology or spying software. These send a report to the abuser’s computer of all the activity (e-mails, websites visited, instant messages, etc.) that has taken place on your computer. Be aware that changing passwords or erasing history could make the abuser suspicious. To be safe, use a computer at a library, community center, Internet café, workplace, or a trusted friend’s house when you need to look for help or plan to escape.

Recording Devices

Hidden cameras, such as “Nanny Cams,” are cheap and easy to get. Abusers can easily hide a camera to monitor your actions. These cameras can be very small and will often appear as everyday objects. Even a baby monitor can be used for listening to conversations. As tempting as it might be, shutting them off or removing them could make your partner suspicious. Be careful.

Tracking Devices

Global Positioning System (GPS) devices are affordable, small, and can be easily hidden. An abuser can hide a GPS device in your car, jewelry, purse, shoes, and other objects that you carry with you. If you find an object you think may be a GPS device, do not remove it. Call the police. If it’s safe to do so, take photos.

Save proof of contact by the abuser, including e-mails, instant messages, or phone messages. Saving everything can help show patterns, plan for safety, and provide evidence for police. For evidence, it is important that e-mail messages stay on your computer, even if you print them out.

Technology is constantly changing and evolving. For the most up-to-date information on technology safety, visit The Safety Net Project at www.nnedv.org/SafetyNet.

Sexual Assault

There is an overlap between domestic violence and sexual assault. Sexual assault is often one of the last things that abused women talk about because it is so deeply personal. It is very common, however, that someone who is abused by their intimate partner has also been sexually assaulted by them. In fact, most sexual assault happens between people who know each other.

Many domestic violence programs also have sexual assault services available. If you feel you would get more help from a sexual assault program than a domestic violence program, call the NYS Domestic and Sexual Violence Hotline and ask for a referral to the sexual assault program (sometimes called a rape crisis center) in your community.

(Source: New York State, Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence)

Top 20 Best Friends of Ethiopia

Posted on , Updated on by Elias Kifle

The 2011 Ethiopian Review Top 20 Non-Ethiopians Who are Best Friends of the Struggle for Freedom in Ethiopia.

  1. Mohamed Keita, advocacy coordinator for CPJ‘s Africa Program, consistently gives voice to the repressed media in Ethiopia.
  1. Ana Gomez, member of the European Parliament from Portugal, put other European leaders to shame with her honesty and candor about the Western-backed dictatorship in Ethiopia.
  1. Gregory Stanton, President of Genocide Watch, speaks out the truth about Ethiopia.
  1. Ted Vestal, professor at University of Oklahoma a long time friend of Ethiopia, refused to be in the service of dictators.
  1. Patrick Leahy and Russ Feingold, U.S. Senators, oppose the U.S. Government’s anti-human rights policy in Ethiopia.
  1. Christopher Smith, U.S. Congressman, helped pass a legislation (Ethiopia Democracy and Accountability Act of 2007) restricting U.S. assistance to the dictatorial regime in Ethiopia unless it stops violating human rights. Jendayi Frazer and other U.S. Department officials succeeded in convincing some senators to kill the legislation in the Senate.
  1. Donald Payne, U.S. Congressman, collaborated with Chris Smith.
  1. Human Right Watch, an international human rights advocacy group, documents human rights violations in Ethiopia.
  1. Amnesty International, international human rights group, has complied enough documents on atrocities in Ethiopia that could land the perpetrators, Meles Zenawi and gang, in prison for a long time.
  1. Voice of America, overcomes the signal jamming effort by the Meles regime to provide news and information to over 20 million Ethiopians.
  1. German Radio, has been serving the people of Ethiopia for over 40 years.
  1. Julian Assange, Wikileaks founder, exposed what the U.S. knows about the TPLF regime crimes against the people of Ethiopia, including exploding bombs among civilians and blaming it on opposition groups.
  1. BBC, exposed U.K. Government’s complicity in Meles Zenawi regime’s atrocities in Ethiopia.
  1. Gene Sharp, Albert Einstein Institute founder, educates freedom fighters how to overthrow repressive regimes, translated the manual, From Dictatorship to Democracy into Amharic.
  1. Mary Ann Jolley, investigative journalist with the Australian Broadcasting Corporation, produced a documentary and written about the adoption scam in Ethiopia and corruption inside international NGOs.
  1. Facebook and Google, made it easier for Ethiopian freedom fighters to communicate and exchange information.
  1. George Ayittey, internationally renowned economist, professor at American University in Washington DC, a persistent and powerful critic of the dictatorship in Ethiopia, and all African dictators.
  1. Anthony Mitchell, AP Correspondent in Addis Ababa, expelled by the Woyanne propaganda chief for having the courage — unlike the current foreign correspondents in Addis Ababa — to report the truth.  In 2007 Mitchell died in a place crash in Cameroon. RIP.
  1. Richard Pankhurst, professor, documents Ethiopian history and heritage.
  1. Reginald and Catherine Hamlin, physicians, moved from Australia to Ethiopia and  opened a hospital that serves the needs of Ethiopian women.

We would like to hear your views about the Top 20 List. Your feedback is taken into consideration when preparing the Top 20s. Please leave your comment below. The next Top 20 list will be richest Ethiopians.

Appeal to TPLF torture victims

Posted on by Elias Kifle

By Teklemichael Sahlemariam

I do not doubt Ethiopian Review’s account of what happened to Artiste Debebe Eshetu and there is enormous evidence to suggest that TPLF agents abused him into confessing things he did not do. However, I do not agree with Elias Kifle’s suggestion of waiting for the victims to tell their story in their own time. I think we should urge and push the victims to speak about the abuse they went through, because that is the only guarantee for the other political prisoners.

If Birtukan told us and the world knew about what happened to her in jail, the TPLF would have though twice before trying to apply similar methods on Debebe. It is the silence of the victims that is encouraging and emboldening Woyannes to do it again and again. I do not see how Elias’s claim that victims of abuse, sodomy or any form of sexual assault “are too ashamed to tell even those closest to them,” because it is not something they did voluntarily. In fact, the shame and humiliation is on the perpetrators. Unless the victims speak out, how can we convince the world about our case? I wish Elias Kifle had encouraged the victims to speak about their horrific experience and showed them how speaking about it to the world would free them and help to advance the struggle.

The TPLF is doing what even Apartheid South Africa did not do to the ANC leaders or other political detainees. First, they make arrests alleging some terrorist plot, and then they torture the detainees to produce involuntary confessions and statements as evidence. That has been the TPLF regime’s modus operandi over two decades. They arrested the opposition leaders and journalists after the 2005 election and coerced them into signing a confession and an apology statement for crimes they did not comit. They arrested Birtukan Mideksa in December 2008 for almost two years and forced her (I do not think Birtukan would said what she said voluntarily) to admit on television that she regretted her denial of asking for pardon. And they did similar things to Debebe last week.

In Bereket Simon’s “Akeldama” documentary, something that struck me the most was that although when they detained the Andualem and others a few months ago they claimed to have adequate evidence, there is nothing in the video that shows the basis for their terrorism charge. Every alleged “evidence” they showed on the video is something they found after the arrest. We all know that not only does TPLF lie, but they also fabricate lies and force their victims to lie. The best prevention we have is telling the stories of brutality they perpetrated against the victims, such as Birtukan Mideksa, Debebe Eshetu and others, as they happen. If those who passed through these humiliating practices speak publicly about their experience, it will tilt the balance to our side.

Even a year after Birtukan was released, we do not know anything about what happened to her inside the jail that made her admit the crime she did not commit, other than the solitary confinement. I am not underestimating the solitary confinement. I also do not believe that Birtukan made a confession of the crime she did not commit in front of a camera only because of a solitary confinement. Because based on the story we knew, Birtukan allegedly made the confession long time after she came out of solitary confinement. Since we have not heard anything from her, other than some of the fragments of minor evils she told us about on a couple of occasions, we can only guess or speculate what happened to her. If we succeed in convincing Birtukan to tell her story to the world, then that will be one more piece of evidence of the cruelties this TPLF/EPRDF commits, and it will put the TPLF on the defensive. That will also help our heroes who are currently in jail.

Elias also said in his remark that he would do the same if he is in Debebe’s position. I would do the same if I were Birtukan or Debebe, too. However, I do not agree with Elias’s remark in our private email exchanged that “some people are criticizing me for even writing about Debebe Eshetu’s situation. Right now I want to focus on Woyanne, so I am trying to minimize controversial issues such as this.”

I have two answers for that. First, these days, I do not understand why politician and activists fear to confront controversial issues head-on. For example, TPLF is says working with Eritrea as a great sin, because we are not promoting the idea openly. The TPLF does whatever it wants clandestinely and it does not have a moral, political and legal integrity to set the standard of patriotism for us. Secondly, unless we are brave enough to promote controversial ideas openly, I do not think we will win support to our side when we engage in controversial projects. The Eritrean issue I mentioned earlier is a good example. Furthermore, there will always be some controversial ideas however hard we try to avoid them. If the thing you wrote about Debebe’s family being threatened with sodomy with a bottle or any form of sexual assault is controversial, it is not your problem; it is the problem of those who find it controversial. It is the problem of the TPLF that abused the prisoners and threatened to harm their families.

I know as usual some people will try to distort what I wanted to say. I am not by any means judging any one. In fact, as Birtukan herself told me to my face a few months ago, I may not have the moral capacity to judge these people or anybody for that matter. But, I believe that a politician’s position or action is open to criticism or judgement and I am only making political assessment or judgement. Politicians also consent to be judged when they enter to politics, as Dr Berhanu Nega agreed with me a few months ago.

Unless the people who experienced TPLF’s brutality tell us what exactly happened to them, Reyot, Eskindir, Andualem, Beqele, Woubshet, Olbana and other political detainees are next in line for brutalization and confessions of the crime they did not commit.

I appeal to them to speak out.

(You can reach the writer at [email protected])