By Elias Kifle
Within the past few months alone, I have heard about 4 Ethiopian women who have killed themselves — one in Virginia, another one in Dallas, then two weeks ago a girl I know very well in Atlanta (I am still in shock), and just 6 days ago a mother of four beautiful young children in Reverside, California. There may be many others whom I have not heard about.
The girl who killed herself in Atlanta is a very good friend of my sister and I also met her several times. She is an outgoing person who appeared to be full of life. She is the last person I would suspect to kill herself.
In the middle east, Ethiopian women committing suicide has become so common that the media is not even reporting about it any more. Their situation can be explained by the fact that they live an unbearable life under abusive employers. But from all their outward appearances, the Ethiopian women here in the U.S. who have committed suicide seemed to have led a happy, comfortable life. What is going on? Shouldn’t we as a community try to find out what is going on and seek solutions?
20 thoughts on “Why are Ethiopian women killing themselves?”
What a great subject Elias, thank you for raising this issue.
We don’t like to talk about depression it is very common disease and we need to talk about it.
My heart goes out to the families of these women. You ask a very important question but it would be hard pinpoint the cause. As you know Ethiopians are very private and tend to hold whatever bothers us to ourselves. Perhaps these women had problems but did not know how to share those problems. When you marry someone with different cultural background, it adds to the problem. What I am saying is we need to break the habit holding everything, we need to stop being judgmental and help each other. we need our Ethiopian men to get involved and have a conversation with us. Elias, I am happy you raised this issue, may be your effort might help open the window for real discussion.
Ato Elias, clearly the habesha sisters in the middle east are victims of bad governance at thier own home that deserves real tears; but the other unfortunate sisters have various causes to kill themselves that may require an indivitual medical attention. Having a united strong community is always a start.
I know Liya Yihdego for many years during my work at Ethiopian National Association of the Deaf (ENAD). She is hearing impaired. Her husband and children are also hearing impaired. I was shocked to hear hear death. Let her soul rest in peace. RIP Liya
I think most of them might have been suffering from a depression or some other form of mental illness. In our community mental illness is not well accepted or recognized. We as a community also lack enough knowledge about the sign and symptoms of depression. Even if we notice, some sign and symptoms, we are afraid to discuss among ourselves due to cultural issues. Above all, we are not trying to discuss with someone, friend or relative, thinking that it might even make the situation worse or psychologically affect that person.
I personally believe that we have to stat discussing among ouselves, and if we think that one of our friend, relative, spouse or significant other is suffering from some sort of mental illness and exhibts some symptoms, or has suicidal thoughts or makes some suicidal statements, WE SHOULD TEAKE IT SERIOUSLY and try to help that person ASAP without delay. We could do this by enouraging and assisting that person to see a counselor, seek medical attention or take him/her to a crisis evaluation. Family support or any other kind of support is very important in situations likel this.
The main thing is knowing or recognizing those individuals who are suffering from depression. Most of the time we all miss it and learn about it after the facts.
I hope if we invite experts on this field, and get some ideas, and discuss openly through different media outlets, in the long run we would be able to save some lives.
Thanks Elias for bringing up this issue, and I expect that you will pursue more in the future.
Ethiopian women are unquestionably the most beautiful high mentainance ladies on planet earth, Inaddition, Ethiopian women are work holics who are in charge of their homes and day to day of care for their children on top of here in the west putting up with ever changing
and demading more of tasking job market they face. All of these demands added to their in
abilities to not find help as a form of maids which they are used to seeing back home are taking tolls on their aging and changing hormonal dilemmas.
I live with one and I sense from my partiner each day, I thought I should put it out there for the start up. A few years ago, I made my mind to not question her for she faces a new uphills each day from outside and I decided to ease her life onc she gets home. Every little
efforts we show our life partiners, be it, OUR OWN blood and flesh girl from home of elsewhere has huge capacities to erase tensions we face each day. Those of us who
are to an Ethiopian girls are the most blessed of all diasporas, for we have a lot in common, have less hurrdles to over come if we do not betray our love and affections of each other. I am very fortunate to see feel and exprience it each days.
Here, in far away homes we live, we are at times the only viable, counselors, parents, brothers/sister to stand for one another as a couple. Please! avoid extra marrital temptations by all means.
Count our blessings of enjoying each other at all times even when the going gets very tough. How we live here, itself is the sample reflections our traditions.
May God rest their souls and its heart wrenching news to hear our beautiful girls have to take their own lives.
I can’t believe a Mother of these beautiful children committed suicide how come she decide to leave the alone these amazing kids. Let God forgive her. She should have endured any thing for sake of these great kids. I am so sad for the family.
I think why most Ethiopians kill themselves is they have come to the state or to other parts of the world with the false expectation that you would get money or what they want easily so that you would be able to repay their family favor back. Most lives their lives’ not only for themselves but also for those poor families who are dependent on them. The people back home also has a big wrong expectation that once their daughter or son is abroad they think their miserable lives will be gone forever. Poverty is our biggest enemy. If their dreams won’t come true they may get into depression ……”ምን ይዤ ልመለስ ወደናት ሀገሬ”The other reason might be “Individualism” which is the culture of wasters. In Ethiopia people has a strong social ties in regard to so money aspects. We share our saddest and happiest moment together. We share our problems so that we can solve it as one. You may not get such grateful social tie in the same way you used to live while you are back home.
May her soul rest in peace in heaven!!!!
The cause of their deaths could be depression sometimes triggered by homesickness,loneliness,luck of true friends or after so many years of working hard in USA,unable to fulfill their dreams or plans. at the end of there life might have failed to change, the real change they might had saw was only growing older in their age. And others many factors could cause to thinking a d leading of self distraction. At that point The only solution would be to think of your creator/Allah. And be patient and thankful with what you have.
Elias,
Thank you so much for bringing this taboo subject to the forefront.
I hope people will have the guts to discuss this and other issues going forward.
Ethiopian parents with autism children don’t even want to admit that their children have autism. They try to cover it up when it is visible to the naked eye.
Ethiopias: please wake up and this is 2012. Speak up whatever issues you have in life. If you don’t talk, you can not find a solution for your problems.
Elias, this is a very good topic. Thank you for bringing to attention. I too know one of the sisters from a distance. It is hard to pinpoint on what the cause would be. It is something needs to be seen case by case. I think the main issue is our culture. Over all, we have admirable culture. However, it has its own weakness. We are good at eating, drinking, and feasting together. We are also good at being there for each other during hard times, such as illness, death..etc. In between, we are miserable. Due to our culture, we don’t share our problems with each other because of gossip. One rather to express his bad feelings with his foreign co-worker, or foreign friend than his best Ethiopian friend because of HAMET.. That needs to STOP! I cherish our good cultures, but things like this need to be changed.
Why successful people make this horrifying decision? This is just speculation on my part. Our women are the most beautiful, hardworking, kind, .. people on earth. With that, problem comes. Because every male from every corner of the world wants to have them. With the success and God given beauty, choosing the right partner becomes hard. On one side, trying to stay in Ethiopian culture. If they do that, they afraid of being controlled in a traditional way, afraid of losing independency. On the other hand, they afraid to commit themselves, to someone outside the Ethiopian community though it is becoming common these days. While they struggle with these thoughts, time passes.. no marriage, no children….etc. We come to this country at the earliest early 20s in most cases. The time go get used to the country, going to school, finding a good job…etc adds up.
The middle east case is understandable. Those of us who live in the west need to talk this issue. We need to change. Our churches, mosques, community centers, ..need to work on this. We all need to engage. We can’t afford to loose our sisters like this. May God rest their soul in peace.
Talking has a value. People have to talk about every thing that affects their lives. Ethiopian are secretive and we do not practice sharing problems. When problems are unadressed and simply deposited in our cognitive thinking, they are extremely dangerous to our health becasuse they do not go away unless we talk about them and adress those that can be adressed and put those we can not address asise and forget about them. It needs practice but can be done. So share wtih your friends. There is nothing to lose. People may talk about you but that is it.
Guys,
Ethiopian ladies kill themselves pretty much for the same reason vietnamese and Mexican women kill themselves. The reasons may range from failed love to financial hardship, betrayal of loved ones, terminal disease, medical depression. Do I need to list more? So stop treating ethiopian women as special. It is sad when any human being commits suicide. But accountants, engineers, economists, cab drivers, politicians and mucisians on this forum can add not very learned insight other than saying my wife is “high maintenance” or my girl friend cannot cope with life in the US.
That’s the thing about depression A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it’s impossible to ever see the end
That is all I want in life for this pain to seem purposeful
Thinking is very painful!!!
We live in fear of everything. Our culture is embedded in fear, fear of what the other person is going to think. We create an illusion of our lives to the outside and live it as it is real. That creates this empty feeling within all of us because you can never run away from yourself; you can never run away from truth. So, let yourself go, free up and LIVE, LOVE and LAUGH! Do things outside the box and do not worry about what others think of you. Love yourself without any guilt. Take the best care of yourself. So what if I am not perfect, or mess up, or not achieve what I could achieve? At the end of the day, God gave me this life and nobody could live it for me, but me. Learn to love in a genuine way without holding back. Help others when you can. If what you are doing is good in the eyes of God and we could not hide from Him any which way, another human is just another human limited as we all are in the same level. God bless the souls that have been lost. Love and peace to all of you!!
Compared to the number killing themselves in Ethiopia ,the number in the diapora is like a drop in the bucket.
I don’t think Ethiopian women are exceptional to what we see in this family. May God rest her soul in peace.
Our women are very shy and respect themselves and proud of their culture. The majority of them are not interested in venturing out to other cultures because they feel safe and love their family and culture. I think they adapt easily and they are well informed to. As Ethiopian we have a high expectation of ourselves that’s from a love of family and pride of a country for continuing the culture. We endure all kinds of issues but we always say one day I’ll go home and live with family and friends and contribute to my country. While we are here we try to be good citizens and work hard and keep our countries reputation well. That doesn’t mean there’s some who make mistakes but we each and everyone of us know how upset we get if we here someone Ethiopian commit a crime. It’s really hard to forgive and we take it very personal.
As for this beautiful family PPD is common even though I don’t know for sure in her case. She had a fourth child seem under one year old it’s possible that’s the case.
We are use to in a big family and love and share with others and it’s hard here but we’ll get better as we create Ethiopian Weomen in North America Association and meeting and finding solution both for personal and our countries women issue. As we collaborate and learn from each other and interact things will get better. Don’t be afraid to seek help and to call a fiend and talk about your feelings or to your pastor, medical help.
Everything will be ok Keep you Faith in God!
As you grieve know that we are remembering you and honoring the memory of Liya Yihedgo
May her soul rest in peace.
To have a common understanding about the probable causes of such happenings & to seek solution for the future , there should be awareness in Ethiopian diaspora comminity. Social medias (like Paltalk) Should invite porfessionals to discuss such issues.
The truth is this! The typical Ethiopian living in the diaspora is someone that makes it here under inhuman conditions via Moyale, Sudan or Libya and ends up as a foe to his own fellow citizen.
We can’t even say hello to one another when we accidentally meet on the streets. How can one expect us to help one another?
Something is wrong with us.
RIP Lidya Yihedgo and may God bless and guide your kids that have to face the rest of their life without thier mother.
Demfelat.