By Elias Kifle
One can conclude that domestic violence in the Ethiopian and Eritrean communities has reached an epidemic level after reading a stream of news over the past couple of years about men killing their wives and girlfriends. I find it shocking that some of the Ethiopian men I spoke with about this subject recently seem to find an excuse for the men who mayhem and murder their wives. I’m left speechless. What is going on in our community? What can be done to stop such senseless crime that has become a common occurrence?
The following are some of the reported murders and violence:
* UK: Yonas Beraki admitted killing Genet Kidane
* Ethiopian man kills mother, daughter in Virginia
* Jerusalem police say Eritrean migrant killed by husband
* Ethiopian woman stabbed on both her eyes by ex-husband
* Ethiopian man accused of killing wife found dead in Atlanta jail
* Ethiopian man shoots wife and kills himself in St. Louis, MO
* Another Ethiopian man charged with killing wife
* Canada: Edmonton resident arrested for killing wife
* Accused killer of Ethiopian woman feared losing daughter
* Ethiopian man in Winnipeg, Canada, charged with murder
* Ethiopian mother of 3-year old in Virginia killed by husband
* Canada: Ethiopian man gets 18 years for murder
* Eritrean man slaughtered his wife and chopped her body into 10 pieces
* An Ethiopian man accused of shooting girlfriend in California
* Man suspected of stabbing wife is found in closet
43 thoughts on “Domestic violence in the Ethiopian community”
Old good value out of today society, when the family value get less meaning in today fast life people do desparatley anything to get out of the system, when a system almost get disfuctional most murder become a daily event in Ethiopia social drama people feel a much fast way to get out of the problem instead of solving the issue in very comfortable manner, now people almost get wild every situation, the best way for all such epedimic lie on the society all together need to raise domestic issue as important as other issue, specifically, we Ethiopian leave a small domestice problem inside ourselves instead of take it seriously, when someone threaten other we should expect that can happened, leave it side later can escalate like we hear today news, we getting backward in civilzed society by holding all issue to ourselves, hopefully, we can come across the best solution for current rising violence.
The reason is most ethiopian women have no morale, no value, materialistic, and do anything to get a few bucks. They are too needy and cheat,lie and decieve to come abroad … The kind Ethiopian MAN … cheated, betrayed, heart brocken,… turns into violence. The answer is the women neds counseling. Period!!!
Hanna replies:
January 22nd, 2012 at 12:32 AM
Lili, you don’t sound too bright. Your answer is stupid.
Most of the time a man who is a coward, weak and insecure takes out his anger and frustration on a poor woman, and sometimes, uncontrolled anger leads to murderer. No excuse in the world is big enough to murder a wife or husband. Just leave and get a divorce then find yourself another woman or man, period! As they say, there are plenty of fish in the sea.
Almost all the criminals are either from Eritrea or Tigray.
It doesn’t represent the rest of the Ethiopian people. Because of these two evil people our name is spoiled in the eyes of the world. Common guys, let us form a different country which exclude them.
Wegen aydres new yemibalew.
Amare,
You are patently wrong. These names are not necessarily Tigreans or Eritreans: Arssei Hindessa, Tadesse Wedajo, Desta Tesfai, Mesfin Hussein, Michael B: They can be any Ethiopian and putting the blame on two ethnic groups will not help us solve the problem.
Chombe
Domestic violence and emotional abuses are very common behaviors used by one person in a relationship to control the other. Family emotional abuse is a strange concept for Ethiopians. Family emotional abuse is so common among Ethiopians it is concerned as a common thing and almost part of the tradition. Verbal and physical abuse need to be stoped so children do not be part of domestic violence as they grow up.
When did an Eritrea became an ethnic name? they are actually the same. In general, this is not only among Tigreans? all Ethiopians from every corner of the country are part of it. Do not ethnicize everything because of your narrow ethnic mindset.
The main problem is because the men marry teenage Ethiopians girls. They bring the teenages to USA. Then the teenages decide to leave them after securing their permit in North America or Europe. Then the men feel cheated and used, and decide to do that.
The solution,older Ethiopian men must stop importing young and poor Ethiopians girls who will leave them after their arrival. It is because the relationships are not set up based on love and trust.
For instance, the one who was killed in Ottawa, she was wandering in Toronto with permanent residence. When she found him, she told him she love him and then married. They had a baby. But the baby was a fake plan for her to secure residence and also to get paid of a large portion of his salary. They left him but was taking a chunk of his salary. He denied him even access to his baby to see. Then the man took her life.
Unfortunately, all the problem we manifest outside Ethiopia are problems back at home. We are backward, a very poor nation. We have lost all moral , dignity and fidelity. The leaders in Ethiopia are a good example. They are selling Ethiopia to everyone who can give them money. Our men and girls do the same to each other even. This actually happens all over the word among Ethiopians. In Nairobi, Ethiopians men run business of selling teenage Ethiopians girls for sex to India, Arabs,…
We are a failed nation? It is better to die with honour, and poor than to compromise to infidelity and to worthless material gain at the expense of each other.
Change at home is necessary to change everything.
… persons who kill females when being rejected by females deserve death penalty. of course, culture would used for defense purposes. but even in this case, thorough investigations are needed.
Thanks Elias,
This is a very insightful way of looking at the general trend. There is definitely a research potential in the area.
chombe:
please get it right!! the ERITREA is a country with 9 ethinc group of it ‘s own. Don’t you ever includ it with one of your EVIL ethinc group the agames ok. we will never get tired of educating you.
since you post chombe post this too.
It probably has something to do with the financial melt down that started back in 2008 or the economic crisis followed by massive unemplyment and later the scarcity of jobs that doesn’t seem to get better any time soon….also woyane might have the lion share on this… Any brutality of this magnitude began to exist in our society on their (woyane’s) watch and so long as they are in charge it will probably get worse.All these and some moral issues on both genders are to blame for mental illness “currently rampant in our community” as the news stated a few days ago.What can we do about it? that is a million $$$ question.Probably come to our senses…and get together as one and aim at the big picture.
dear elias! you are always the voice to the voiceless! you really deserve a praise for opening up a forum to reflect up on this problem which has become serious. The major problem, I think, is the with males. I have recently encountered a case where one of our friend in DC physically assaulted his wife in front of their 4 years old boy. I was flabbergasted when I heard that this friend of mine, whom I respected him for years as a responsible father, to have done an outrage of this magnitude. I really couldn’t figure out how on earth they will live together after this incident. What is worse is that, the guy doesn’t feel the fact that his action is despicable. I was more annoyed when I heard him saying had it not been for him, she wouldn’t have come to the US. Isn’t it a shame for some one in the 21st century to think like this? Is this the price that our poor sisters should pay in return to how they get to the US? this guy is still at large, and the wife is not willing to bring the matter to the attention of the law enforcement.
Dear Elias, although I know how much you love your country and spend too much of your time and energy in fighting the Weyanes, this problem is real and serious. You need to have to gut to spend a little bit of your time in issues like this one. I am telling you, you will be satisfied with what you will be doing in this regard.
we get more interested in selfish values than the value which has iternal meaning.Our people have forgotten God , though we proclaim we are believers ,we dont follow God as it is written in the bible . We need to come back to God , He is the only sourse of peace ,love, harmony ,prospority and so on
Wey gud:
There is no evil ethnic group on this earth.Evils are individualand you are a typical example.Uneducated person can’t educate others ,start from your self.I can tell from your evil words that how low class you are and has no place even in your own ethnic.
This is my first time commenting here – I have never seen a news worth commenting here. Today I was wondering, most of the comments above sound matured and rational. Are you guys the one who shouts silly ‘anti woyane’ comments on every garbage Elias’s news or are you guests. I am so confused ….may be there is hope ….maybe
Ethiopian, Eritrean men are very egoistic. Especially, those who kill their wives have catastrophic ego and greed, those two are the best recipe for disaster. Yes, the habeshas can’t slap and kick their wives in the west and if they do they go to jail and lose their family.
Advise to men, please understand that your wife is not a guaranteed fixture. She can like, love or sleep with another man. When that happens just walk away like nothing has ever happened. Life stinks so does marriage and relationship. Enjoy it while you have it and don’t look back when it is gone. Treat your queen like a gentleman and if she f**** some one else, she is a b****;therefore, run away from her because you owe her big money for every night you slept with her. If you kill or attack her for enjoying herself with another man, you are a worthless greedy egoistic and you don’t desErve to live. Is there any one who doesn’t lie or cheat ? The difference is that some do it more than others. You many have cheated and lied to get your green card and she may have done the same to you to get papers. Lets not try to stop the wheel from spinning because it won’t stop, we will only be crushed when we try to stop it. Guy please stop attacking your women. If they hurt you just consider them b****** and walk away. There is alway another. Please guys do not spend every dime on your women because that won’t stop them from leaving you. Invest on yourselves also. Don’t commit crime and sin. Only animals can be forgiven for killing their female companions.
tezibt
I have never seen a morally-depleted comment like yours in yours. I will never walk away from a woman whom I fed and helped during her hard times and whom later slept with other mean. I don’t endorse killing , but I don’t endorse killing as well. Trust me, I WILL MAKE HER PAY one way or another !!.
The problem is bigger than the individual person.It comes from the society at large. It is sad people take it on their loved one. Everyone is to blame.
No escaping! we all Ethiopians suffer from collective neurosis that requires wise collective approach.
Elias please post this, it is my personal opinion based on experience.
If you look into each case and make statistics, most of the violence occurs inside the Tigre tribe (both from Ethiopia and Eritrea). It is the nature of Tigre to be hot-headed and violent. The saying goes: “Tigre ena KiTel, Bog Bilo YekaTel”.
First of all, I would like to thank Elias for bringing the issue to every caring Ethiopiwi/Eritrawi. My 5 cents on the matter is that the main cause is lack of eduactaion on both gender. One thing I noticed is that we don’t quickly learn from our enviormrnt. In my opinion, the problem with some is that they think they own their women as a property. They bring them here and they don’t educate them. So, the moment the lady get the chance she will run away. No. 2, most families don’t take time to spend quality time together. Relationship is not sex only. I would advice to spare at least Sundays as family time. Some women, please don’t compare youself with another family. That is a prelude to destruction. This is America. You can have anything you want if you consult with your partner genuinely. Men, if you choose marriage you have to abide with the responsibilites that comes with it. Basically, you can’t hang out with your friends until dawn like you used to do when you were single. Everything in moderation. Again men, don’t ever under estimate your female partner. Most male (our) think that their women can’t go anywhere. As a matter of fact this one is one of the biggest problem with men. When the women prove them wrong then they will use force. For me relationship is a game. I am with the same women for almost 20 years. I give her my love, my respect and I advise her to improve herself always. I don’t wait for Valentines day to give her flowers. I give her whenever I feel like it. Sometime I think that I have given my 100% and yet I don’t get nothing back. The best remedy I came up with is not to expect anything back. I just go with the flow and I am loving it. I have to admit that most of the time it is rewarding though. Since the issue is never ending, I’ll stop here.
How to Protect Yourself Against Domestic Violence
While the best way to eliminate the threat of domestic violence is to leave an unhealthy relationship, you can take a number of actions to protect yourself while you remain in the situation. The following steps show you how.
1 Create an emergency box. Inside, keep an extra set of car and house keys, important documents, some cash and change (for the telephone) and a list of your support contacts. If possible, include a prepaid cell phone or calling card. Hide the box in a safe, handy place.
2 Decide in advance where to go after an episode of domestic violence. Choose somewhere in the house where you can protect yourself from harm. Avoid places with potential weapons, such as the kitchen.
3. Make a list of people you can call after an episode. The best choices are people who will support your decision to leave and who can offer you safety and shelter. Don’t forget to call 911.
4. Create a special word or phrase that will alert friends and family that you are in danger and that they should call the police. Choose words that sound normal in everyday conversation, so as not to alert the abuser.
5. Remember the location of your nearest crisis center. Find a crisis or domestic violence center in your area through the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence Web site (http://www.ncadv.org/), or call them directly at (800) 799-SAFE.
6. File a police report against the perpetrator. This will give you some of the evidence you need to press charges against your abuser.
7. Contact an attorney who specializes in family law as soon as you have reached a safe place. Your attorney can help you obtain a restraining order.
Tips:
You have the right to be reasonably protected by law enforcement officials against violence of any kind, including incidents that occur in the home.
It’s normal for victims of domestic violence to experience bouts of depression or flashbacks of violent acts. However, it’s important for victims to receive help to overcome the psychological effects of domestic violence. Join a support group in your area or speak with your physician to get the help you need to come to terms with your past and your emotions.
I think Ethiopian men kill the women out of jealousy and most of them feel as if they own the women as a private property. There are very few Ethiopian men who killed their wives for infidelity some Ethiopian women do things that is outside of our culture such as going to bed with their husband’s or boyfriend’s friend or very close family .I think religious leaders or the Ethiopian community at large to make action and plan to provide counseling to families with domestic problems before it gets to a tragic ending.I am speechless like the author some Ethiopian men murder the women cruelly sometimes it is very hard to believe if it was real. I want the men to know if you are on that kind of situation it is always better to leave because their always a light at the end of the tunnel or at least talk to your close family or a friend. Ethiopian image morally as well as family value is bad, Take anger management if you are temperamental,
tezibt,
On many occasion in the past I agreed with your comments,but I completely differ with this one on the ground that you over steped the bounderies set by our maker conserning hasband and wife relationship.
MOst Ethiopians even if they dont practice their faith they believe what the Bible said about mirrage,and see below,
“3 Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”
4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’[a] 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’[b]? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
7 “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”
8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
10 The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”
You wrote,
“Advise to men, please understand that your wife is not a guaranteed fixture. She can like, love or sleep with another man. When that happens just walk away like nothing has ever happened. Life stinks so does marriage and relationship. Enjoy it while you have it and don’t look back when it is gone”.
Your kind of rationalizing the truth is fatal.It is true that modern man,I am using this term man as ageneric term to referr humanity,is in dispair about life and mirrage.That is precisely becuse man is not complete in himself unless he has personal relationship with his maker and originator.We are not a product of evolution.”God made the first man ASdam out of dust and breathed unto him the breath of life and man become a living soul”according tho the word of GOd.
God requre us to repent or NISIHA ENDENGEBA.We can do this honestly sincerily by asking him to forgive our sins,and to give us a brand new life in his son Jesus Christ.He will certainly do it,but remember I have to humbly ask this.Because repentaceis something I must do.
Hi Elias,
It is commendable for you to raise an issue which is a silent endemic in our community. I recommend publishing the names/pictures who have been booked and sentenced by pleading guilty or no contest by law enforcement for spousal abuse…We have to put on the face of these abusers who are among us and never got exposed. This will give others to be aware or the pattern to these low life scums. I know you are the only journalist with a gut to do it….
I am not Ethiopian but fell in love with an Ethiopian Man. He is much younger then me, but I didnt find this out until later into the relationship. He looks much older then he is. About 9 months into the relationship, I found out he was looking for a wife from his home country. I accepted this but it changed alot of things in our relationship. I no longer trust him. I explained to him, once he marries our relationship is over. He denied that he was doing this. Then in 2009 he told me he was leaving and joining the army and would be back after 4 months. Just by accident I found out he got engaged and was in Ethiopia. He denied all this. When he returned he still denied this. When I went to visit him at his place I found his weddings pictures. He said prove to me I got married by priest. I don’t understand what that means. Then his wife did arrive and he lives with her now. I found out this by chance. He is very verbally and physically violent and told me he would do whatever it takes if I tried to end the relationship. I do fear for my life. Now he is bascially telling me of the things he did back in Ethiopia. He said when he was in his country, a girl cheated on him, and he locked her up in jail holding her there for days. I know he is teling me these things to scare me so I will not break up him, he also mentions other violent things he has done to people. I do fear him. He threatens me with things he said he will do to me. He said he has never loved anyone the way he loves me. I believe he is lying just to keep me, but why? I can’t believe that he married this young girl, who loves him but she said he can have as many women as he wants. Can anyone explain to me, why this girl would allow this, is this an acceptable practice? Does anyone have any suggestions to help me figure this out. In all my life experience, in this situation, have I ever come across such abuse that he calls love. He told me he abuses me because thats how much he loves me and if he didn’t love me he wouldn’t care and would never do that. When he abuses me when I see him its because he claims he thinks I am with another man. I told him why is it I have to accept his marriage and yet I can’t be with anyone else. He still denies he is married. You have understand that I don’t live near him. I live 1 hour away from him, a long distance romance, this is why I have no way of finding out things for sure. When I have seen his friends, I know they side with him not to say anything to me. I think he must threathen them too, if they were to tell me the truth. I will take responsiblity for my actions and if I made mistakes, I just can’t believe this is actually happening.
I think it is probably jealosy on the man’s part and more than likely the woman has hurt him like going with his friend behind his back. It may be on hind site, but the solution is separate and go your own way without the trouble of killing a human being, which would land you at the slammers.
I am afraid we are yet to face another violence, this time from South Africa.
http://www.ethiotube.net/video/16206/Special-Police-Report–A-man-who-murdered-his-wife-with-Sulfuric-Acid-Extradited-back-to-Ethiopia-from-South-Sudan
We Ethiopians are right to blame that many Arabs are savages who do not have moral values that allow them to protect those that are vulnerable to violent treatments, but we Ethiopian are equally brutal when it comes to shielding those that are less powerful. Sorry to say this! This is too much. Could this be related to mental problem going unnoticed?
waraadaa
I can’t spend much time on you but I suggest that if you read comments #22, #24, #25, and #26 you may get enlightened and as a result it might help you from being vengeful incase your significant one sleeps with another. good luck buddy. I promise you though, if I catch my wife sleeping with another man I will completely lose interest and walk away and I would never go the route you suggested. Harming or revenging your wife because the devil has tricked her is what I call a depleted morality. I wonder if you have any clue about the words MORALITY AND DEPLETION. Good luck my friend.
#26. Selam
First I admire your civilized way of communication. Contrary to Waraada you have articulated your criticism reasonably. I solely wanted to underscore that killing a woman for adultery is totally wrong. The lord is responsible for that and we all know the devil is powerful enough as he has done to adam and eve. I may have crossed the threshold but I would rather do that than kill my wife, the mother of my children. To her kids,an adulterous mother is better than a dead mother. The fact is that most of those killings are the results of undetected mental illness. Some have suggested that Eritreans and some Tigrayans are most of the killers but my guess is these people also need help. In my almost 3 decades of living in the west I have witnessed(heard or read) many murders and while I have no statistical evidence I can attest to the fact that I have read the names of Oromos, tigres, Eritreans, Gondores in the list of wife killers. I have yet to read gurages, gambellas and somalis and addis ababans.
Mostly, those from the country side with strong culture tend to have that shifta mentality. I do apologize for my observation, if it means catagorizing people. If it means initiating controversy be it.
Also, I would like to commend Elias on bring this subject. Discussion is very good because it enlightens people.
It makes us ready when the inevitable knocks our door, we don’t get caught off guard. Some one has suggested that we should focus on woyane killing rather than this one but the fact remains that we have a community that is undergoing a stressful life in the new world and most are not prepared for it, as a result minor issues make them lose their bearing into murdering and maiming their loved ones. We shouldn’t even lose one woman who could be the mother of one or three kids. We can multitask. This isn’t a rocket science. A litte discussion on the subject could have a major impact in our community. Every one will be aware. The women will learn many things like how to avoid the recipe for this type of catastrophe. The men will learn how to avoid destroying a family and going to jail. I have no clue as to why any one thinks this is a minor issue that its statics has no merit for a legitimate discussion. If one is too busy, one can select sucjects of interest accordingly. None should object discussion of any type. Even Albert Einstein had ample time to play piano and vIOLINE, why can’t we have spare time to discuss this issue side by side with discussion on Ethiopian politics. Please don’t be too boring.
This shows the disintegration of society that is caused from many parties: TPLF and Shaebia, not being able to adopt in capitalist societies in the West and holding on to culture (for instance women are also are looking down on Ethio men and focusing on other nationalities and rejecting them) but living in other nations, you either have to embrace other way of life and the men should understand, the good thing is embracing both of the cultures holding on to your beautiful culture and adopting the good part of other cultures) The other issue is poverty. Study has been done that poverty also creates the disisntegration of family. Another issue is also the inability to go back to their beloved country and being homesick leads to depression and especially the news coming out of Ethiopia causes us to develop Post Traumatic Stress especially those who have been persecuted by governments, excessive worry, etc.. Ethiopians and Eritreans who are expert in psychology, social science, etc, should gather and discuss how to tackle this problem both in diaspora and in their respective countries. World Health Organization have reported that Ethiopia to be the top in domestic violence.
I completely agree with Lili. Even if killing can not be justified by any means, what Lili pointed out takes the lion share. Ethiopian women in the diaspora are trying to have things not just two ways but in 100 ways.
1. lost their moral
2. lost their identity
3. Tries to abuse a functional system in developed countries.
4. Cheats their men and get f.. million times with others
5. Abuses their men
6. Lost their boundary
7. Have failed to define what life is all about
the list goes on…
Then it is very hard for men to handle all these abuses, and easily gets violent.
Amare,
let us not generalize. But it is good to follow the pattern. If all are Tigrean and Eritrean then they must be in panic moment where their identitity crisis is crushing. Also hate and resentment even it happens to you it is always not good because you build up negativity and you manifest it as the Tigrayans and Eritreans are doing today through their governments. OLF will also planting this hatred on Ethiopians and it is not good for its society. We all know if you are Buddhist, christian, etc. it shows that no matter what happened to you, you have to let go resentment, hatred and delusional identity otherwise you will be detrimental not only to others for revenge but also to your own society. I think the Zulu tribes have a wonderful social structure where, if anyone does crime in the community for example committing crime, the community, including those on whom he committed crime will make circle and he will be exposed in the middle sitting and he will be parised to transform him his evil act and evill intentions. It is in the bible, the way to transform society if you are slapped on one cheek give the other is symbolic meaning, do not go for revenge instead transform the man. When such people are transformed the evil comes out from them through screaming, crying, denial, etc…So this is where rescue should come in. This is buidling up a just society through faith, spirituality, wisdom and enlightenment. One example is the truth and reconcilliation committee to end Apartheid in South Africa. I am trying to say, we need to go back to our traditions where elders are involved in settling conflicts that is how societies thrived. The capitalist way of life even though its good part is personal responsibility, working hard to be independent and technological development, interms of morality, wisdom and evolving as a human being it is not even part of it. We have inherited the materialism, the bad competition among our selves instead of empowering one another, etc. so we need to go back to basics. It is also being lost between the two worlds.
Some said above it is taboo to talk about mental issue or abuse, etc. and we keep hiding it with in. The true way of life in traditonal societies does recognize these things and bring solutions so it is not true. Back then the society is very much connected and not disconnected as today there was a support system through neighbors, friends, relatives etc. Today there is so much disconnectedness. Major cause of disconnection started when Weyane and Shaebia took over. They started disconnecting our society which once was very tight and supportive of eachother. Eritreans became aliens and they started showing their resentment and Ethiopoians did the same too and they have to start making their own society all over agian. Best friends, those married from Ethiopia and Eritrea, etc separted. The other is Weyane caused the ethnic division in Ethiopia which very much manifested among Ethiopians in the diaspora among Oromos, Tigrayans, etc.. looking at eachother as strangers, not to mention celebrations of their own ethnic groups excluding other Ethiopians.
Solution? communication, communication, communication, we have lack of communication within family, within ethnic groups, among ethnic groups, within Ethiopains. Until we solve this lack of communication and compromise to build just society, we will get worse. The antidote for Shaebia’s and Weyane’s division of the people of Ethiopans is communication and compromise. If it is very much necessary to bring experts such as conflict transformation people. All this taboo on communication must be stopped through open discussions in the presence of experts.
Waradda,
That is exactly the problem. The realtionship you are talking about you feeding and clothing her and you deserve better. This is wrong relationship in the first place, this is not based on love and mutual agreement in the commitment. Therefore the relationship is flawed in the first place. You do her a favor and you expect something in return. There is lack of communication here. Without getting into commitment, both should have talked about the relationship, either help her without nothing in return or she should also contriubte something so that what you feel she owes you will not be out of balance. So you are obviously in the wrong relaitonship that you own her just because you fed her or clothed her.
It is time really Ethiopians to get organized, take advantage of being in the diaspora, those with money can contribute, those with activism, etc. and bring really connection to the community in every sector. One example, is setting up committees such as this violence problems
Tekat Kemaywedew,
I am not relationship expert but the best advice ever! ladies and gentlemen heed this advice very much!
Alula,
Good perspective. But let us remember, it is good to always recognize such issues to always bring up a just society, so it starts within. Such discussions also brings opportunity to improve ourselves. To make a change within or outside of Ethiopia we have to understand ourselves and we have to reconnect in order to throw evil leadership that is doing disconnection. Like your discussion, are you single? lol
Please, do not add fuel to the fire. Let’s put water ,when we see a relation crises started.
This is a response to “Lily” (the second post).
I agree Ethiopian Women need councelling, but not in the way you put it. Both Ethiopian and Eritrean men (and most African men I believe)can be very violent. That is a big topic that I don’t want to go in details at this time. What I want to sress now is that Ethiopian and Eritrean women need urgent councelling on how to get a divorced and how to protect their life before they get killed due to small conflicts.
A note to the owner of this discussion room: can you convert the discussion format to a threaded format rather than just drop down?
online violence is also growing.
#27 Can anyone explain this?,
My dear, you seem very young and naive. Obviously, this man is taking advantage of you and you are letting him do that to you. “NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT” Eleonore Roosevelt.
You are the one who is in-love with this man and still hanging on to a married dirt bag who doesn’t have respect for his wife and his marriage vows. Consider yourself lucky that you are not married to this two face womanizer. Have respect for yourself, leave and find yourself another man.
love or hatred#34,
your rotten comment can either benefit you or harm the Unity of Ethiopian peoples.
I believe that it is better to think twice or more before running to judge those people who have commited such cardinal crimes. As all of us agree that nobody likes to do crime out of love. In the today’s world, specially like the country of Ethiopia, there are many many factors which are forcing people to commit such crimes. To mention some of them, economic and security tensions are very high. These are two main factors which should creat disappointment, stress, frustration and trauma. When a person is victimized by one of these factor, in turn, he/she will look for someone to attack or kill. In the case of husband and wife, when one of them is victimized with one of these factors, they will be allergic to one another since they are living together. And specially, some of us are very hypersensitive to a crisis which haunts us in our daily life.
Almighty God, help us and bring Your Peace on us.
Alula , u sound wise and smart and i agree with every thing u say. I don’t understand why people want to change this issue in to nations , and tribes , domestic violence issue is so deep rooted in all afica , where women are seen as a personal property , it is a whole african continent issue unfortunately , so stop turning this thing in to eritrea or tirgay issue , u narrow minded morons go to shcool , educate ur self , b/s even though school is expensive ignorance will cost u more . Most of us from africa are barley educated and i think that may be the reason why we act the way we act , it is true we inherit culture from our dads and moms , we have grown wathing our moms , sisers and women in general getting beat up by their husbands , and we do the same here , the fact is we can’t change any body behavior by doing so , my advise is if the women u are with is not the one u want just walk away , it is not worth to get ur name in the sytem or do jail for 25 years and leave those innocent children with out their mom ,no matter how evil she may seem to u , she is an angel to her kids they desperately need her do u really want ur kids to grow up with out their mom ? if u do u are evil ur self .If u do get borred with her just leave , don’t argue infront of ur kids , or other people it is not gonna help. if u decide to stay ,stop trying to change her b/s she is not going to , accept her for what she is and learn to live with it , just like alula said u don’t need expert to tellu this , it is just a common sense
good luck
Itis sad to see some of the comments are incensitive, down wright inconsiderate, I was amazed by Lili’s comments, if she os a woman dare I say it should happen to here and then from her comments I do hope she meets a maniac so that she can understand what Eritrean and Ethiopian woman go through.
People it isi hight time we should be thinking critically rather than irationally. We are in an open world to read and broaden our horizon.
I dispare of some of the comments people remeber we are all humans this things might not happen to us now but we are not immune from any ills, I urge people to hace compassion and understanding.
Hi Love:
Thanks for taking the time to go over the issues we have been talking about. it looks like you went at great length to address item by item. First I want to say,thanks for taking the time to do that, which is great, cause it shows a character that when you do want, you can engage with an issue head on, which I believe is a great quality to have. Now I want to start by resting your mind at ease, that when I write something, i don’t do it cause I want to be right, I do it cause i believe in it to be right. there is a bit of a difference there, if I think my thoughts are wrong, or if i am proven wrong, I have no problem to stand down and be corrected. But when you say I hope we are not discussing for the sake of being “right” I don’t know but I Don’t think we can do that. because here, no one really knows any one, and we say what ever is in our mind, cause really does not matter. people pretend or act to be right, when they are trying to gain something in front of people that knows them, here there is no secondary gain for any one, people don’t even use their name, it is juts a nick name so, I honestly can’t think any one would waste their time to write something they don’t believe in or mean to write. If they did, that would be idiotic. Now having said that, Ya, I do understand when you do write in a rush, we can jump from point to point I guess. In most every thing you have clarified your positions, so that is cool, the only two things I wanted to add in is, that it is not I am against experts or those with experience in some specialized fields telling us of their opinion, it is just in this particular issue, we know enough to be able to deal with it. May be you can count me as negative but, I just don’t think, because an expert comes and tells us, A, B, C is the sign and symptoms of X, Y, Z the person that is eventually gona snap, will not snap when the time comes. You see, the interesting thing about all this is the very fact that, a person may think he or she is normal, until they are confronted with the very idea of rejection by their partner, that is when all hell breaks loose. And they won’t know how to handle it until they are faced with that challenge. hindsight or in advance of that, one can say all kind of this and that, but it is different when the person who is susceptibility to act in some certain way is faced with hat challenge, so that is why I was more insisting there was no need from experts coming and giving us their two cents to a matter that we already know very well from common sense. Though it won’t make a dent nor a squat of a difference on the actual rate of victims, if a group of people just want to waste their time discussing this issue and have some experts among them to indulge on more discussion, sure they can do that, but I think that is truly precious time wasted, when we have more pressing issue right now. that we should be discussing. Issues that is actually affecting close to 90% of our population, which in my opinion is the corrupt nature of our government and the lack of transparency in the political arena. and what and how we can tackle the endless abuse of this politicians be it in our country or in Africa as a content is a more pressing issues we can discuses, also expose those involved in abusing their political power to me is more important. Some crazy nut going banana and doing stupid act against his wife or himself, truly is at the bottom of my worry list at the moment. We must work hard and fight for a just society, even then there will be some nuts that will have their bulb go off now and then, but because of a just society will be equipped with a fare and balance court system, the system will deal with them swiftly. Okay love was nice to hear from you, though after few days I didn’t think you were going to respond, you see, since new articles are posted almost every day it is sort of hard to go back to the same one and re-read again. That is why I am going to give you my email should you want to contact me we can then discuses this and other issues that you want to discuses in a more timely manner. In my last response to you I had mention to you I was single and you could get in touch with me but, I am not sure if I scared you enough with my response, after you went line by line responding to response to you, you failed to mention any thing on the very last paragraph which raises that issue. Any who, no two person must think identical, and there is, some sweetness in having different opinions, and people must agree to disagree and come to some common ground from which they are able to work a united front. with that should you be interested to know me a bit more, here is my email address you are more than welcome to email me any time. [email protected] Okay love, hope to hear from you soon, you take care and stay blessed.