By Yilma Bekele

The talk is all about swine flu. Center for Disease Control is stressing about the shortage of vaccine. Some are not convinced about the effectiveness of the new vaccine. On the other hand the Obama administration has declared swine flu a national emergency.

Swine influenza is a flu virus usually found in pigs. This time it has mutated to infect humans. Symptoms include fever, cough, muscle ache, headache, diarrhea and vomiting among others. Despite the heightened hysteria most people are likely to recover without needing medical care. The swine flu scare started in the spring of 2009. Barely six months and scientists have already isolated the virus and come up with a vaccine.

On the other hand Woyanne virus has been around twenty years. Woyanne virus started in the western low lands of Tigrai, northern Ethiopia. Within a few years it has mutated and managed to infect most of Ethiopia. Woyanne flu is highly contagious and can spread from human to human. Woyanne flu is what you would call a hybrid. It means that it has been produced from two or more other viruses.

The closet viruses related to Woyanne flu are Fascism, Nazism, Stalinism and Apartheid. Woyane scientists call the new virus the Meles/Sebhat strain. The founders have not bothered to patent their new finding. They have opted for ‘open source’ approach so other dedicated dictators can build on their work for the good of humanity.

Methods of infection:

Woyane flu is a truly fascinating virus that is capable of change and adaptation. The initial preferred method was use of brute force. Villagers were isolated and their elders and leaders eliminated. Forced indoctrination was carried out 24/7. As the areas under control increased the newly infected villagers were dispersed among the population. Method of infection underwent change too. Blackmail and corruption became the new tools. Promise of power and personal riches became the new weapons of choice. The Woyane virus adapted to infecting the victims brain. Instead of killing the virus renders the victim useless and incapable of making simple decisions. The virus is capable of rewiring the thought process of the host.

Test and diagnosis:

Doctors are able to tell those exposed to the virus by a simple test. Victims are abnormally chatty and show a heightened sense of love for today’s Ethiopia. They are quick in their condemnation of our ancient history and carry a wide brush to paint the past in negative terms. Victims have a tendency to place themselves and others in tribal boxes for easy classification. Woyanne virus infected individuals are very disruptive in-group settings. They saw mistrust and enhance negative ill feelings between people. The virus is capable of working on human weakness and using that to disrupt good will among the population.

Woyane flu exposed views themselves as individuals first. They have a tendency to think what is good for them is good for country. The virus is good at magnifying the ego. For example what they see is my beautiful building not my displaced neighbor, my extravagant reception not my starving kin my beautiful commodity exchange not my imprisoned merchants.

Prognosis:

The highly exposed to the virus number a few hundreds. The mildly infected probably number in few thousands. The vast majority has managed to produce immunity. The likelihood of further infection is deemed very unlikely. The Woyanne virus has run its course and at the moment it is vainly trying to reinvent itself. Scientists view it as a wana be strain that was able to incubate due to favorable circumstances at its place of birth. It was a weak opportunist virus. The Woyane virus is in the process of disintegration.

Prevention:

The US center for disease control advice regarding swine flu states “People who work with pigs who might be infected should use protective clothing and special breathing masks.” There is no protective cloth to avoid infection by Woyanne virus. The best protection is to avoid Woyanne. In order to avoid re-occurrences it is highly advisable to isolate the carriers and disinfect where possible or eliminate when appropriate.

(The writer can be reached at [email protected])