By Yilma Bekele

I was listening to National Public Radio and they were reporting about President Obama’s coming visit to Ghana. Of course I turned the volume up. I did not want to miss anything. My Ghanaian cousins were delirious. The reporter was interviewing a hotel owner that has named his establishment Hotel Obama. He was describing the big portraits of Mr. and Mrs. Obama in the corridor near the special suite named for them. They even spared a wall for VP Bidden. Let us just say the Ghanaians are gloating.

May be they do have every right to gloat. It is not every day that a US president drops by Africa. And when the US President is a fellow African it makes the visit extra special. Just because they were able to hold three consecutive elections without bloodshed and turmoil do they think they are God’s gift to Africa? The fact that the visit by President Obama will give them the opportunity to showcase democracy working on the African continent is no reason to be filled with pride.

They claim this is not just a visit by Mr. Obama but an investment that will pay dividends for a long time to come. It is true that investors are going to look at Ghana in a different light. We know that the self-esteem of the Ghanaian people is entering a new phase.

I don’t mean to rain on their parade but excuse me how about us Ethiopians? Hello we are still around. Thank you very much for asking but we are not just sitting idle either. We have a few accomplishments to crow about.

First thing first, where is the President flying from to visit Ghana? That is right he was attending the G8 meeting in Italy (richest industrialized countries that include USA, UK, Japan, Germany, France, Italy and Canada) Officially invited were China, Brazil, India, Mexico and South Africa. It is a very important conference. Who do you think was claiming to represent Africa? That is right it was no other than the King sorry Prime Minter of Ethiopia. Don’t ask me what Ethiopia was doing there. We were invited by no other than our friend Senor Berlusconi ok? Let us just leave it at that.

This year G8 meeting was primarily concerning the global warming trend and reduction of green house gas emissions. I know for a fact the Ghanaians are not cooperating. From what I hear they are marching fast to industrialize their country. Their power consumption is one of the highest in Africa and they are in the process of developing their offshore oil deposits. Due to their ridiculous insistence on development and raising the standard of living of their people they were not invited to the meeting. That should serve them right.

On the other hand look at Ethiopia. A true citizen of this planet. A country that should be held in high regard by humanity. We are on the forefront of those that are concerned about the fate of planet earth. With no probing by anybody our country has decreased its carbon emission by more than eighty percent. We want the world to know that electricity is something you can do with out. We have voluntarily curtailed our generating capacity. Three days a week is more than adequate.

The few industries that were generating some pollution have been idle. The net reward is less commute for our people so they spend more time with their families huddled around kerosene lamps. We have also realized savings by abolishing the Ministry of Industry. As it was just a drain on our budget but the new policy of no electricity has made it obsolete.

Ethiopia has also been the pioneer in population control. We have elevated the science of food shortage crisis into a higher level. The current government is building on the important far-reaching work laid by the military regime. We are happy to say that food begging has been made into an art form. In accordance with our commitment to reduce world population Ethiopia has been sacrificing between ten to fifteen million citizens yearly. We are in the process of clearing more virgin forest to use it for subsistence level farming. We assure the world that the yield is so low that it will have no impact on our goal of creating further famine.

Our education policy is the envy of the continent. The whole planet is a net beneficiary. In the 1970 we dabbled in what is referred to as the ‘red’ and ‘white’ terror. The policy was able to eliminate most of the educated community. In the last twenty years we have perfected the system. Simply put we practice what is known as the ‘educate, train and exile’ principle. To attain that goal we have exported most of our university teachers and doctors. The government is in the process of abandoning the field of education to be filled by unscrupulous individuals and organizations with profit as the main motive. We believe an ignorant population will help us meet our self-imposed goal of one hundred percent green house gas reduction. We will also realize gains by less expenditure on munitions since an ignorant population is a docile population.

We have a lot to crow about. You don’t see us gloating about all this, may be except the folks at Aiga. You know how they are. It don’t take much to excite them. I mean they put up a computer generated freeway system on top of a picture of Addis and get super delirious. Reality challenged is their other name. It would have been a lot better if Mr. Obama would have come to Addis and experienced total darkness. No light. No TV. No Internet. No cold soda. No hot water. If he is so lucky he can also enjoy the double whammy of no electricity and no water. Give us two more months and we can foresee the possibility of triple a hit. With the country’s foreign reserve dwindling there will be no petrol for civilian use. Need I add no Automobile. In your face Ghana!